Fear.

[red]

We were talking on the chat about fear... fear of riding..not big blown up fear, but that nagging little fear that sits in your stomache.....how do we deal with it, where does it come from? Self doubt? Is it fear of being out of control... Fear of horses...why do people who say they are afraid, Ride? (And why are people who SHOULD be afraid, NOT? I know you have seen them, too!!) How do you deal with a fearful rider, and how do you help them to overcome fear...how do you address fear, within yourself...when that little voice says uh-oh.....what say you?

just wondering,

love,
red.

[Mares Tales]

I think alot of fear comes from lack of confidence. I`m remembering Buck or Ray saying that confidence was being prepared for the unthinkable or something like that. So many people have the attitude of "I hope this works out." Confidence is KNOWING it will work out or at least you have the best odds that it will work out. If it works out, it means you are SAFE.

People have braces TOO! mostly from fear (the saying "scared stiff?") and when we are braced, how can we possibly become fluid and instant in our movements. Horses are quick, sometimes we have to mirror their movements with our own bodies to stay out of harms way. You cannot practice and prepare for every scenario so you just have to be as limber and able in body and attitude as possible to do what needs to be done to deal with the "unthinkable". I know my attitude has alot to do with how well I ride or work around horses that day. I remember an old French dressage instructor of mine telling me about how, when you have alot of baggage weighing down on you, don`t expect your riding to be as good as it COULD be. A person has to be able to clear all that out before they approach their horse. If a person can`t, its better to stay away from them for awhile.

I find now that I am a bit older, this is a concern that I never had before. And what an idiot,....I bought two young horses! But, I find that they actually keep me being smart and particular instead of causing me to retreat. Such as, the weather has been terrible here, ice under deep snow, just about the most dangerous conditions to be doing much outside. I have a ten month old colt that was in his stall for two days (I have access to an indoor but the door was frozen shut) so he had to stay in his stall. Everytime he saw me he would whirl and buck in his stall wanting to go out. I thought to myself, "When I go to taking him out it`s going to be a rodeo." Well the time came when the blizzard stopped and I had to take him out so, I worked with him in the stall a bit, doing some calm groundwork and re-establishing past lessons. When I took him out to lead him to the pasture he was really good. He tried to rear once but he only got up so high when I made sure that he met the end of the lead by his own actions, he decided that didn`t feel too good and was a perfect gentleman the rest of the way. I think I set things up in the best way I could so that things were most likely to "work out", that is about all a person can do.

Why do people who fear horses ride?, the saying "What doesn`t kill me will make me stronger" comes to mind. Some people like that adrenaline rush of doing something they are scared of and surviving it. Sometimes coming out the other side alive make a person more confident to deal with other scarey things in their lives.

Why are some people who SHOULD be afraid, not afraid? Not knowing what COULD happen is one reason....just too naive and without enough experience to imagine whats going to happen next. BUT........because they aren`t AWARE of the dangers they just aren`t afraid.......and so they aren`t BRACED. They have less of a chance of getting in their own way because they don`t know enough to BE afraid and so they aren`t coming with a brace to hinder them. What happens to you if you fall and your stiff?, it usually results in an injury. What happens to you if you are relaxed and fall? less of a chance of injury.

And then there is the old saying of my husbands Grandmother who used to watch a family of dare devils do the impossible and still survive...she used to say "They`re just too DUMB to be afraid." :-D

[WashoeKat]

First fear serves a purpose -- it helps keep us alive. It can also be so paralyzing that it keeps us from living. We all have to find a balance point that suits us -- some people are adrenaline junkies and others are happy sitting on the couch. We all have things that give our lives meaning and are worth the risk and things that just aren't. Only we can decide.

when that little voice says uh-oh.....what say you?



I say "that"s interesting, whats going on here?" I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and 'feel of' myself. It's an observation, not an evaluation or judgement. Just being with the sensations -- the tightness in my gut, the shakiness in my muscles, etc. With time they have become old friends that I recognize and bid a "good day". And then decide what, if anything, I want to do about the situation. And I try not to go beyond the point where the emotion kicks in until I am calm again. And that just takes the time it takes. Just as with a horse, the sooner you can recognize the fear and deal with it -- the easier it is. And if you push past a certain point, there are going to be consequences. So, for instance, if I was afraid to ride I would walk out to the corral with the understanding that I don't have to ride today. Then see where my stomach starts to tighten or my throat gets dry. If it is half way to the corral, then thats where I would stop. Maybe that day I wouldn't get any further -- if I can be relaxed there thats great. Tomorrow is another day.

An important part of dealing with fear is separating the emotion and rational thought from the stories our minds spin about the million, zillion things that might happen. These are just thoughts and none of us would be able to get out of bed if we let them take over. (I'm not talking about "don't step in front of that bus" type thought. It's the "what if I take a the dogs for a walk and then I slip on the ice and then I fall in the road and the school bus runs me over and then . . ." train of thought.) When I find my mind doing this I say "there you go again, enough of that" amd turn my attention elsewhere. Generally in about 15 seconds the thoughts are back and must be acknowledged and let go of, again. Keep it up long enough and the 15 seconds become 20, and 30, and eventually the mind goes on to something else and doesn't come back. Until the next time. But each time you find it easier to recognize these thoughts for what they are and let them go.

Kat

[dale]

Courage is the mastery of fear, not the absence of fear.
-Ray Hunt

I love that saying and have it posted at my desk...It keeps me sane when I am nervous or fearful of any situation (horse related, life stuff, spiders...). It shows me that fear is something that I don't have to omit from my life, it's something I need to recognize and have control of, through practice. Mastery is something you obtain when you practice practice practice...

[Scrat]

"Confidence is being prepared for the unthinkable." -Ray Hunt

There does seem to be a ‘new fear’ phenomenon that occurs as riders hit their 40's, especially with women. Even riders who were previously very aggressive and/or accomplished start to have incidents that erode their confidence. What is most interesting to me is that there is often a shame or embarrassment component to this occurrence.

Many times the fear is from lack of control, not knowing what to do, and fear of consequences (IE: it can be just as scary to think of the consequences of disciplining the horse as it is to think of the consequences if you don't). And, as you age a bit, it is hard to admit that you can't do things that you used to do!

I admire the riders who refuse to let fear ruin or dominate their riding experience. Some ask for help, carefully choosing an experienced horseman / teacher to help them with their horse problems and help their horse with their human problems. A few have reluctantly but wisely changed horses for one that is more appropriate for their abilities or interests. Those 'hot' horses tend to lose their appeal when you have ridden a few good ones!

There is no substitute for skill and experience. Working with a good horseman or instructor is invaluable in gaining quality time in the saddle and improving communication with your horse.

And, there's nothing better than a well-trained horse with a good disposition. If you don't know how to choose one, make one, or maintain one - what's the shame in that? Find someone who does have those abilities to help you.

May all your rides be good ones!

[Excess]

I think alot of fear comes from lack of confidence. I`m remembering Buck or Ray saying that confidence was being prepared for the unthinkable or something like that. So many people have the attitude of "I hope this works out." Confidence is KNOWING it will work out or at least you have the best odds that it will work out. If it works out, it means you are SAFE.

You know Mares I think I resemble this remark. I am by no means and export horsewoman, but I CAN stay on a horse and I KNOW what I need to do (most of the time) but I have trouble applying it....I am full of lack of confidence. I feel like I know nothing. That I'm useless and I'm always afraid that I'm going to ruin everything. That I will fail.

Interestingly, I know Speedy pretty damn well. I can get into his mind and read him like a book. But I am more afraid of riding him than I am other horses. I went down to the Dominican Republic and I rode and worked with a few horses down there. With these horses which I never met or rode before I was far more confident with them than with my own horse who I know so well. I could identify the problem and how to fix it without an issue.

But with my own horse I sort of clam up and have no idea what to do or how to do anything. Maybe it's because I have no PROBLEM to work with, just to train him. I can't explain it other than I'm terrified of failing...failing him, failing me and everything else.

[Mulie]

Gee, that sounds kind of familiar. It seems like the more I try to learn the more I feel I don't know. I ride a mule and I keep hearing in the back of my mind people saying "you know, you can't make mistakes with those mules" and of course I've made a bunch. Back when I was relatively clueless, I felt my instincts were pretty good, but now I just seem to overthink everything. I've decided I'm just going to get out there and do it, do something. If I do something wrong, well, I'm guessing it can be fixed. So then I'll go out and work on fixing it. I've found great food for thought on this site before so I figure now that it's back up I'll actually ask some questions if I get in a jam.

[FrancaV]

Gee, that sounds kind of familiar.And your post sounds awfully familiar to me!

It seems like the more I try to learn the more I feel I don't know. I ride a mule and I keep hearing in the back of my mind people saying "you know, you can't make mistakes with those mules" and of course I've made a bunch.People say the same thing about foals, but y'know everybody makes mistakes. Our equines are sooo resilient....

Back when I was relatively clueless, I felt my instincts were pretty good, but now I just seem to overthink everything. I've decided I'm just going to get out there and do it, do something. Yes, at some point you've just got to ride. And I'm finding that now I have more things committed to my "body memory" I often do ride better when I quit thinking and start feeling. That doesn't mean disengaging the brain entirely - not a good idea, LOL - but just not overthinking, like you said.

If I do something wrong, well, I'm guessing it can be fixed. So then I'll go out and work on fixing it. One of the (many) great things I've learned from Peter Campbell is that you can put something into a horse that's not quite right and take it back out again. He will sometimes do that, intentionally, in order to demonstrate something. He always apologizes to his horse and the horse always forgives him. ;) It's reassuring to me to see that mistakes don't have to be forever.

[fionagirl]

I've decided I'm just going to get out there and do it, do something. If I do something wrong, well, I'm guessing it can be fixed. So then I'll go out and work on fixing it.

I have a slightly different philosophy on this because I'm so green: If I do something wrong, I'm guessing it won't be so wrong that Buck, Joe, Bryan or some way more knowledgeable friend can't fix it! :-)

One of my favorite quotations that keeps me moving when I'm afraid to try something: "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" Sometimes imagining I can't fail (even though, of course, I can) gets me to take the first step.

[Ash]

I'm with Excess. I am a pretty confident rider on strange horses. LOL! I ride my instructor's horse, Odin, who has been known to bust a bronc move with barely any prior notice, and leave his rider still dazed in the dirt. But I ride this horse and as yet, I have not done anything to instigate much more than a goofy crowhop. I'll get on a friend's "problem" horse and ride with out much trepidation. However, if my own mare so much as lifts a hind leg funny, I overanalyze the snot out of it. For the record, this July I will have been riding this horse for two years and have never gotten anything worse than one little crowhop on a very windy, below zero day. She's wonderful!! Yet, I still constantly second guess and fear. I want to work this year with Mr. Two Cents. I am hoping he can set right some of this silliness.

I am learning to look at things not so much as "I hope I don't ever fall of this horse" but more as "every day I will try to be the best, most effective, and sensitive rider I can be." That will greatly improve my chances of hanging on when the going gets tough. It's super hard to remind this big chicken of that mantra, but I am improving, little by little.

Ash

[Excess]

Welllllllll here we are talking about fear and confidence and all that but today I sort of had a tiny confidence booster. I honestly cannot remember the last time I rode Speedy before today so I take him into the RP and we do some basics just to see where he's at. He seem alright so I get on him. I fiddle around a bit in the roundpen then go out into the arena. (Sidenote I opened the roundpen gate from the saddle. I have always had issues with this but this time Speedy was perfect and I opened and closed the gate without a single issue!) He was a little tentative at first because apparently he's never been in this arena before (he's always been in this arena) and he's never seen those barrels before (he likes to chew on them) and GODFORBID there's a part in the arena where snow has gotten in through the cracks. Note the sarcasm. So it takes me a while to get him to go around in a normal circuit.

We're doing some construction on some stalls and have cleared out a whole lot of mess. While I was going around that corner someone moved something and Speedy took off, full-out bucking bronco towards the center of the arena. I felt a stirrup come out BUT I STAYED ON!!!!!!!! I was sooooo proud of myself for staying on. Lol. So that's my little confidence booster for the day.

[Ash]

Exy, that's awesome! You should give me some tips! LOL (Bucking is one of my mom's gelding's fav pastimes).

I too had a bit of a breakthrough. Although my horse does not buck, she does plenty of other goofy things like spooking and walking wayyyy too fast and shaking her head when she is nervous. I too survived a over three hour ride tonight out into the great wide open and made it back fairly calm and in one piece. That was confidence boosting for me, although you're story is far more exciting!

Ash

[MyAmigoMaya]

I saw Speedy's buck today and Exy did a great job riding it. I was holding my breath--that was a big buck!

When I was a kid, I felt like I could do anything while riding--nothing scared me. Now that I'm older and getting back into it, a lot of things scare me. I think it's because now I think about consequences--how my fiance would feel, what would happen to us financially if I were hurt, how I'd look in a cast on our wedding day, stuff like that. (: I was scared to canter and hand-gallop when I first started doing it again, even though I never had problems going fast when I was a kid--now it felt so out of control. It took a while before I started to feel like I really had my balance. Then that all got shot to hell when I leased a horse for the summer who had a bad problem with bucking at the canter. She threw me twice--my first falls ever--and that scared me for a while. It took a long time of riding calmer horses at the canter to get more comfortable with it again. I also get scared with jumping now that I'm doing that, because it's such a different sensation and I feel like my balance goes all over the place half the time.

I have a good instructor who basically just forces me to move on with it. The other day at my lesson, my horse was feeling pretty fresh and bolted with me, spooked, shied, bucked, you name it. I got him settled down on the flat, but then she set up a crossrail and I was like, you have to be kidding me! She made me do it. It wasn't super-pretty, and I got to experience the joy of clinging to an English saddle with no stirrups during another little series of crowhops, but it was a good learning experience and by the end I felt much more confident and actually wanted to keep going when she made me stop. (: I'm also pretty tenacious and hate just giving up on something when it's not going well, so I tend to ride even when I'm scared. Not necessarily the right thing to do always, but it doesn't let me escalate that little bit of nervousness into the actual terror that would come around if I didn't make myself work through it.

I'm also much more nervous around my horse than around other people's horses too.... it's funny that so many people say that!

Sarah